‫JENNA (NARRATING): ‫Previously on "Awkward."
‫-You want another chance?
‫-I won't screw up again.
‫-I came with Jake.
‫-But you can stay with me.
‫-Uh-- I should ‫wash my mouth out.
‫I puked in the sink.
‫-I'm all in.
‫-This came in the mail for you.
‫JENNA (NARRATING): With ‫the new year came freedom.
‫I had a boyfriend ‫who was happy to be
‫seen with me in direct sunlight.
‫And I had to say, it felt good ‫to have an open relationship.
‫Not open in a creepy ‫polyamorous way.
‫Just public.
‫[SHOUTING]
‫-Something's going ‫down at the sanctuary.
‫-Check it out.
‫-Bad news, dudes.
‫We've been TMZd.
‫-How long has that ‫been recording?
‫-I don't know.
‫Last time I clocked ‫the security camera,
‫it was pointed at ‫the football field.
‫Can you imagine all ‫the scandalous stuff
‫that's been caught on tape.
‫JENNA (NARRATING): Including ‫my secret relationship
‫with Matty McKibben.
‫-I am fairly barely ‫over my suicide stigma.
‫I can't be known as the ‫girl who hooked up on tape.
‫-If you got down and ‫dirty in that hellhole,
‫you have to worry ‫about than your image.
‫The sanctuary is the slutty ‫vagina of Palos Hills.
‫Total Petri dish.
‫-It is so gonna suck ‫when you get expelled.
‫-Thanks for piling ‫on my freak out.
‫-Who gives a [BLEEP] ‫if someone stole
‫the footage from the sanctuary?
‫It's not like it's gonna ‫ruin your reputation
‫when it goes viral.
‫Everybody already ‫knows you're a slut.
‫The tape is going public?
‫BOY: No!
‫GIRL: Oh god, no.
‫-I hope I at least have a cameo.
‫From the neck up.
‫If these happy sacks ‫are gonna be webified,
‫I'm gonna need to ‫be compensated.
‫-I won't be on that tape.
‫Kinda hard to get in trouble ‫when you're uber boring
‫and have no secrets.
‫It's a good day to be Asian.
‫-But not a good day to be me.
‫Now I have to tell ‫Jake about Matty
‫before he finds ‫out the hard way.
‫I have to get more ‫info on this footage.
‫-I seriously doubt ‫they picked up
‫anything on that sanctuary cam.
‫It's so dark, I'm sure all you ‫can see are shadowy figures.
‫Probably not faces, right?
‫No faces?
‫-Yeah, I guess.
‫I know it's in the ‫past, and I told Jenna
‫that it doesn't bother me, and ‫I don't want it to bother me,
‫but it kind of does. ‫-Get to the point.
‫Any point.
‫Please.
‫-Jenna told me ‫she's not a virgin.
‫-She's not?
‫-No.
‫-Did you sleep with her?
‫-No.
‫Well, I mean, not yet.
‫You know.
‫-That has nothing ‫to do with you, man.
‫That happened before you ‫two started going out,
‫so stop stressing it.
‫-Remember that ‫girl I lost it to?
‫Exactly.
‫Neither do I.
‫-Is that supposed to ‫make me feel better.
‫JENNA: Hey!
‫-Hey.
‫Oh, hey.
‫I gotta go to study gym, ‫which is-- does exist.
‫-What was that?
‫Did you tell him about us?
‫-No, he told me about us.
‫-What?
‫-He said you slept ‫with somebody,
‫but for now, he ‫doesn't know who it is.
‫Why'd you tell him?
‫-That's none of your business.
‫-Uh, it is now.
‫That video could surface any ‫minute, so we can tell Jake
‫or he can find out with ‫the rest of the world.
‫-Ahem.
‫Oh, Principal Cox.
‫Good day.
‫-No, bad day, Ms. Marks.
‫If this sanctuary scandal ‫blows up, we could all go down.
‫-I don't wanna go down.
‫I've been there.
‫One minute, you're ‫on top of the world,
‫and the next you're ‫butt popping meth
‫in an abandoned warehouse ‫with a guy named Rooster.
‫-Huh.
‫Huh.
‫I-- I need your ‫connections to help
‫us get this god danged tape.
‫-Hm.
‫Let me put on my Murder ‫She Wrote glasses,
‫and I will get on it.
‫Actually, they're ‫just reading glasses,
‫but when I lose my keys, ‫I put them on and, boom,
‫I instantly find them.
‫-Because you can actually see.
‫When you do find that ‫tape, don't watch it.
‫Just bring it straight to me.
‫-J. Like former President ‫Clinton and former Prime
‫Minister Tony Blair, ‫you and I have
‫what some might call a ‫special relationship.
‫-Absolutely.
‫-OK.
‫Hi.
‫In this scenario, I will be ‫Prime Minister Tony Blair
‫and you will be Clinton.
‫Ahem.
‫(SOUTHERN ACCENT) ‫Do you know anything
‫about this alleged ‫sanctuary tape?
‫-Why?
‫Do you?
‫-I asked you first.
‫-No.
‫But I was hoping you had some ‫inside information, which
‫special friends would ‫obviously share.
‫-Why do you want to know?
‫-Just curious.
‫JENNA (NARRATING): And ‫desperate to know how much time
‫I had before I had to tell Jake.
‫My honeymoon was not ‫ready to be over.
‫-All right, the truth is, ‫I don't know anything.
‫I didn't even know there was a ‫sanctuary until this morning.
‫-Great.
‫Well, thanks anyway.
‫-(ENGLISH ACCENT) Say ‫hi to the wife for me.
‫The four of us should get ‫together for some fondue.
‫(AMERICAN) Seriously, J, if ‫you think of anyone who's
‫in the know, just ‫send them my way.
‫JENNA (NARRATING): If there ‫was anyone at PH who knew what
‫was going on before ‫anyone else, it was--
‫-The Asians?
‫I'm not eating lunch ‫with those people.
‫-Ming.
‫You're Chinese.
‫They're your people.
‫I am in a Code Orange ‫soon to be red situation.
‫My happiness is at stake.
‫I need to know if Matty and ‫I are on that freaking tape.
‫-How do the Asians fit ‫into this equation?
‫-It's no secret they know ‫everything about everything.
‫The Asians brought their ‫earthquake kits to school
‫a week before the ‫last earthquake,
‫and they threw Elena ‫Harvey a baby shower
‫before she knew ‫she was knocked up.
‫-Asians aren't magic.
‫They don't have control ‫over everything.
‫-Yes they do.
‫Why do you think our school ‫flag has a dragon on it?
‫Ming.
‫I'm not asking you to ‫be friends with them.
‫It is just one lunch.
‫-Ugh.
‫Hi.
‫I'm--
‫-Ming Huang, 555 ‫Trail Riders Drive.
‫We know you.
‫-You do?
‫-Your parents own a sundries ‫shop on the peninsula
‫and they're crazy strict.
‫-How do you know that?
‫-The how is not as ‫important as the why.
‫Asians make up 30% of the ‫Palos Verdes population,
‫so it's important for us to ‫know everything about them.
‫What I don't know is, are you ‫a cool Asian or a school Asian?
‫What are your PSAT scores?
‫-120.
‫-Low.
‫You're not a school Asian.
‫Have you ever spring ‫breaked in Cabo,
‫dealt Adderall, or had an ‫affair with the lead singer
‫of an indie rock band?
‫Not a cool Asian either.
‫-So what am I?
‫-You're white.
‫Sushi?
‫-Wow.
‫Thanks, uh, I'm ‫not a real Asian,
‫so I don't know your name.
‫-Becca.
‫What can we do for you?
‫-Do you know anyone ‫that can get their hands
‫on that sanctuary footage?
‫My friend needs to ‫know if she's on it.
‫-We don't stick our ‫necks out for round eyes.
‫-That's kind of racist.
‫-No it's not.
‫Their eyes are round.
‫-Yeah, but--
‫-Now you're a racist.
‫-No I'm not.
‫-It's cool.
‫Why do you think I changed my ‫name to Becca from Wan Fu Win?
‫Because everyone's a racist.
‫I'm kidding.
‫We'll see what we can ‫do and get back to you.
‫Until then, here are the answers ‫to tomorrow's history tests.
‫-Oh my god.
‫This is great.
‫Thanks.
‫-No, thank you.
‫You've been making us look bad.
‫-They had sushi delivered?
‫Amasian.
‫-You guys.
‫Asians are so cool.
‫They agreed to ‫investigate the tape sitch
‫and slipped me ‫some test answers.
‫-Thanks for the hook up.
‫If anyone can smoke out ‫the footage, it'll be them.
‫-I think we lost ‫Ming to the Far East.
‫-I feel dirty.
‫And alive.
‫I feel Asian.
‫-Kung Pao Shrimp, lasagna, and ‫potato chip chicken casserole.
‫Those dishes don't ‫really go together.
‫-Sure they do.
‫They are Jenna's favourites.
‫I guess I know out daughter ‫a little better than you do.
‫JENNA (NARRATING): My mum ‫thought she could work her way
‫back into my heart ‫through my stomach.
‫She didn't know me at all.
‫-What's going on here?
‫You're cooking, and ‫you're not eating.
‫JENNA (NARRATING): ‫My Matty secret
‫wasn't the only ‫one I was keeping.
‫My mum and I were still ‫harbouring her secret
‫that she wrote the ‫letter, and I figured
‫she should be the ‫one to bust it out.
‫-Mum.
‫Do you wanna tell him?
‫-Why not?
‫-Lacey.
‫What the hell did you do?
‫-Jenna wanted me to ‫tell you that I--
‫We're both getting perms!
‫Guess I should've ‫let her tell you.
‫-When are you going to ‫tell dad about the letter?
‫-I've tried.
‫You don't know how hard ‫it is to tell someone
‫something that might ‫break their heart.
‫JENNA (NARRATING): I knew ‫exactly how hard it was, which
‫was why I had ‫conveniently forgotten
‫to tell Jake about Matty.
‫-What about me?
‫You broke my heart when ‫you wrote that letter.
‫And I still don't ‫know why you wrote it.
‫-Jenna.
‫I was only trying to help you.
‫I swear.
‫-You are unbelievable.
‫-I'm sorry.
‫I wish I could take it back.
‫Not a minute goes by that ‫I don't regret writing it.
‫-Tell dad about the ‫letter or I will.
‫I am done with secrets.
‫JENNA (NARRATING): And ‫I wasn't the only one.
‫The threat of the sanctuary ‫tape being exposed
‫had ignited a school-wide ‫preemptive strike.
‫People were spilling ‫their secrets faster
‫than a bunch of drunk ass ‫reality stars in a hot tub.
‫-I kind of cheated on ‫you in the sanctuary.
‫I did the stone and ‫bone with Cici Markling.
‫-I ate a double ‫cheeseburger in there.
‫Best thing I ever ‫put in my mouth.
‫-I made out with Matty McKibben, ‫and he is a terrible kisser.
‫It didn't happen ‫in the sanctuary
‫though, I wouldn't ‫go near that cesspit.
‫JENNA (NARRATING): As ‫pissed as I was at my mum
‫for not divulging her secret, ‫I was just as mad at myself
‫for holding on to mine.
‫-Ming.
‫You can 86 the tape hunt.
‫I've decided to tell Jake.
‫-What if it turns out ‫you're not even on it?
‫-It doesn't matter.
‫Jake deserves to know.
‫Even if he hates me for it.
‫-I'll tell Becca to ‫call off the search.
‫I don't need the tape anymore.
‫-I'm sorry, but that train ‫already left the station,
‫and you can't jump ‫off of a moving train.
‫Actually, you can, but then ‫you might break something.
‫I'll have that tape ‫to you by tomorrow.
‫-OK.
‫And thanks for the cheat sheet.
‫I'm not complaining, but did ‫you knew a few of those answers
‫are wrong?
‫-I didn't want to red flag you.
‫No one would buy it if you ‫went from being a C student
‫to full immersion overnight.
‫You still only ‫know one language.
‫[CHINESE]
‫-I'm just saying, I can't ‫imagine some dude sitting
‫through a billion ‫hours of footage
‫just to find a few ‫minutes of good stuff.
‫What a pain in the ass.
‫-Are you on it?
‫Have you been cross ‫dressing in the sanctuary?
‫-Yeah.
‫Can I borrow your thong again?
‫-As long as you hand wash it.
‫-You're the one ‫obsessing, Rosati.
‫-I can't help it.
‫This Jenna thing ‫is bumming me out.
‫I'm really into her, man.
‫I just assumed she was a virgin.
‫-You can't be upset ‫with Jenna for something
‫she did before she met you.
‫-I know.
‫But that's not what's ‫driving me nuts.
‫It's that Jenna was in ‫love with this other guy.
‫How am I supposed to ‫compete with that?
‫-Is she still in love with him?
‫-I don't know.
‫Why would you say that?
‫-I'm sorry.
‫Sorry, I gotta run.
‫I need to ask you something.
‫Have you slept with ‫anyone else besides me?
‫-No, but what I have or ‫haven't done, it doesn't--
‫-I love to.
‫-Hey.
‫Sorry it took so long.
‫You ready?
‫JENNA (NARRATING): I ‫was definitely ready.
‫To hit the nearest ‫self destruct button.
‫[MUSIC COSIMO, "HER KISSES TASTE ‫LIKE DAMAGE"]
‫-Do you like this song?
‫I like this song.
‫I don't get it, though.
‫Her kisses taste like damage.
‫If he trying to say that the ‫girl is emotionally damaged,
‫or that she tasted like ‫vodka and cigarettes?
‫Jenna, I don't like secrets.
‫-Secrets?
‫What secrets?
‫-The guy you slept with.
‫I'm totally jealous of him.
‫Does that sound crazy?
‫Yeah, I know.
‫It does, and I'll own it.
‫I'm acting like ‫a total whack job
‫and I don't even ‫know who this guy is.
‫And you know what?
‫I don't want to know, ‫because you're with me now,
‫and that's all that matters.
‫Right?
‫-OK.
‫-Yeah.
‫There.
‫Got that out of my system.
‫Now I can act like a dude again.
‫-You still have to tell him.
‫-He doesn't want to know.
‫-One way or another, ‫[BLEEP] gets out.
‫And Matty said he loves you.
‫-Which is totally ‫[BLEEP] up by the way.
‫How dare he do that now?
‫What a jerk.
‫-A jerk in love, which ‫is why he could go rogue.
‫Look at all the crazy stuff I've ‫done because of Ricky Schwartz.
‫The clock is ticking, ‫Jenna, and according
‫to Ming's new frasians--
‫-What, friends who are Asians?
‫-Yeah.
‫The footage exists and ‫it's coming out today.
‫Today, Jenna.
‫This tape is a ‫terrorist backpack
‫and it's entering the open ‫market of your relationship.
‫-Well, Jake said that he ‫wasn't interested in hearing
‫the details of my ‫former relationship,
‫and I am going to take ‫that at face value.
‫-Yeah, well, how's ‫Jake gonna feel when
‫he find out that face ‫belongs to Matty?
‫You're taking the easy way out.
‫-Maybe.
‫But even if I am on that ‫footage, I'm covered.
‫-Jenna Hamilton's not on it.
‫The security camera was only ‫turned around for two days.
‫-How did you know I was ‫getting it for Jenna?
‫-How do I know your grandparents ‫were born two miles outside
‫of the Jiangsu Province, ‫where they sustained
‫themselves by ‫running a fish farm?
‫I just do.
‫-My grandpa said ‫he was an engineer.
‫-Oh.
‫You still want this?
‫The only thing interesting is ‫vice principal Highmore hooking
‫up some guy in a ‫fugly snowflake tie.
‫-Gross.
‫I'd still have to check it out.
‫-And should I ever ‫need a favour?
‫-Anything.
‫-Not right now.
‫But one day in the future, ‫Ming Fei Yun Huang.
‫One day.
‫-Jenna.
‫I've--
‫-Got it.
‫-Oh, [BLEEP] me.
‫-Guess what I got.
‫-Nice tie.
‫Isn't it a little ‫late for snowflakes?
‫-You didn't watch that, right?
‫Like I specifically ‫instructed as your higher up?
‫-I have seen it, and ‫it is tres scandalous.
‫-What-- What did you-- ‫What did you see?
‫-I saw things.
‫Things that would have ‫made a lesser woman weep.
‫Are you familiar with ‫French New wave cinema?
‫-Don't Murder She Wrote ‫me, Marks, all right?
‫-There was a lot of shoe leather ‫to get my hands on this thing,
‫and I feel I'm due some respect.
‫-OK.
‫Come here.
‫I'll give you anything you want.
‫-I'm sorry, Becca.
‫The DVD was snaked by a ‫crazy guidance counsellor.
‫-I know.
‫That was the plan.
‫-I'm confused.
‫Average student here, remember?
‫COX: Attention, students.
‫As of today, vice ‫principal, Rachel Highmore
‫is stepping down and guidance ‫counsellor Valerie Marks
‫will be moving ‫into that position.
‫Kudos, Ms. Marks.
‫-Highmore was trying ‫to stop us from parking
‫our cars in the visitor spaces.
‫That bitch had to go.
‫You're in our circle of trust ‫now, Ming Fei Yun Huang,
‫and that trust can ‫never be broken.
‫Never ever.
‫-You're not on the tape.
‫-Oh, thank god.
‫-Now you can stop ‫worrying about yourself
‫and start worrying about me.
‫Hello Kitty played me ‫like her sacrificial pawn.
‫Whenever she got all serious, ‫she called me by my full name.
‫Ugh.
‫It creeped my [BLEEP] out.
‫-OMGDF.
‫I think you've just been ‫inducted into the Asian mafia.
‫-What?
‫JENNA (NARRATING): As bad as ‫I felt forcing Ming to roll
‫with her homies, I had ‫to admit, I felt good.
‫The black cloud of ‫scandal had lifted
‫and I no longer had ‫to live in fear.
‫All my business was handled.
‫[BEEP]
‫-I got the tape from ‫Fred Wu, and we are--
‫-Not on it.
‫I know.
‫Guess I'll see you around.
‫-That's all you have to say?
‫-What else is there?
‫-You know.
‫JENNA (NARRATING): I was in ‫such a panic over the tape,
‫I had put Matty's ‫I love you in a box
‫and shoved it into a poorly ‫lit corner of my mind.
‫-So we don't have to tell Jake.
‫-I don't wanna be ‫anyone's secret anymore,
‫and I don't wanna keep ‫secrets from Jake.
‫I really like him.
‫He's not embarrassed ‫of me, and he never
‫makes me feel bad about myself.
‫-Did I?
‫I'm so sorry, Jenna.
‫Just, please don't tell Jake.
‫I can't lose him too.
‫JENNA (NARRATING): My secrets ‫were still in the closet.
‫Jake didn't wanna ask and ‫Matty didn't want me to tell.
‫My mum wasn't ready ‫to out herself either,
‫so I have to ask myself, ‫were some secrets
‫better revealed or concealed?
‫-It all depends on the secret.
‫What do you mean?
‫Is it your secret to tell?
‫Thanks for dinner.
‫-I made chocolate silk pie.
‫Remember that road trip to ‫Santa Fe when you were eight.
‫You loved this pie so much ‫that you begged us to order one
‫for the road and then you ‫secretly ate the entire change
‫and threw up in the cooler.
‫-Mum, stop.
‫You don't have to keep ‫bribing me with food.
‫I'm never gonna tell ‫dad about the letter.
‫That's your secret.
‫Not mine.
‫-Thank you.
‫Kevin.
‫I wrote that letter to Jenna.
‫[KNOCKING]
‫-I got your text.
‫But why am I coming ‫through your back door?
‫-Uh, for the record, ‫that's the only
‫back door you'll ‫ever have access to.
‫-Not a problem.
‫Thanks for bringing ‫it up, though.
‫I still have PTSD from ‫the whole Lissa situation.
‫D-- Don't.
‫Don't say it.
‫-B-Hymen.
‫-So.
‫Uh, before I sweat ‫through another shirt.
‫I mean, the thing ‫is, uh, can you
‫tell me what it was ‫that was so important
‫that you had to ‫say it in person?
‫Do I need to sit down?
‫I'm gonna probably sit down.
‫No.
‫I'm gonna stand.
‫-OK.
‫So, Jake.
‫I know you don't wanna ‫know about the other guy,
‫but I want you to know. ‫That is, if you do wanna know.
‫But I think you ‫would wanna know.
‫-What I want is for ‫you to be comfortable
‫telling me anything, ‫even if it's
‫something you think ‫I don't wanna hear.
‫I wanna hear it.
‫-And I think it's only ‫fair that you know.
‫I'm not in love with ‫that other guy anymore.
‫I am completely and ‫totally invested in you.
‫-You taste like pie.
‫-As long as I don't ‫taste like damage.
‫-Maybe a little.
‫JENNA (NARRATING): ‫Next on "Awkward."
‫-I chose Jake, and ‫now we can't be alone
‫without Matty tagging ‫along trying to tempt me.
‫The whole situation is weird.
‫-He probably feels like the BBF.
‫Back burner friend.
‫You've been so Saran ‫wrapped around Jake,
‫you can't even see it.
‫-I'm not clingy, Matty is.
‫-I hate to admit ‫this, but Matty might
‫be trying to homewreck you.
‫JENNA: There's no ‫way he's trying
‫to overtly hurt my relationship.
‫Jake's his best friend.
‫-I think I know what's ‫really going on.